Words

Escape From Scarberia: Tooth Mouse

August 6th, 2026

“Before I tell the first story, I need to set some context, says Lucas. This story will tell you about how young Daniel’s experiences shaped his view of the world he lives in and how he reacts to it. It might not seem that important an event, but it is one of the many building blocks of his adult life.”

No one in his audience of four appears to have anything to say, so he begins his performance.

In 1955, six-year old Daniel is dreaming. Or at least he thinks he’s dreaming. He can hear someone trying to wake him up by saying “Psst, psst, psst,’ But there can’t be a stranger in his bedroom. There’s almost no space between his bed and those of his brothers. There is barely enough room for him to navigate his way to his lower bunk. If a stranger were in the room, Daniel would see him. So, he must be dreaming.

‘Psst. Psst. Psst.’ The sound won’t go away even now that Daniel realizes he’s wide awake. He looks around the room. There is enough ambient light for him to tell his brothers are asleep in their beds and nobody is standing by his bed saying ‘psst, pst.’ But there is certainly someone making that noise. As he discovers, it is not someone, but something, making the psst sound. Daniel wants to just forget about the noise and go back to sleep. In an attempt to do so, he turns over in his bed and faces the bedroom wall. This makes him comes nose-to-nose with a small, brown mouse. Before he can react, the mouse says “Hello Daniel.”

Daniel is gobsmacked into silence and immobility. Before he can recover from the shock of having a rodent speak to him, the mouse continues to talk. “Don’t be afraid. Nothing bad is going to happen. I’m just here to collect the tooth you put under your pillow tonight.”

‘Why do you want my tooth? What good is it to you?”

The mouse wriggles its nose before he answers. “I don’t want your tooth. I just came to collect it for someone else who does want it.”

“Well, I don’t want to give it to you. I’m not going to give my tooth to a mouse. I’m leaving it for the tooth fairy.”

“Why are you going to do that?” asks the mouse.

“Because the tooth fairy will take my tooth and leave me money.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because I have heard kids at school talking about it. They got money.”

The mouse pauses for a second to figure out just what it is going to say next. It does not want to engage in a full-blown discussion. “Has the tooth fairy ever left you money?” the mouse asks.

“This is the first tooth I’ve lost, “Daniel says as he reaches under his pillow to retrieve his tooth and show it to the mouse.

“Did any of your brothers leave their baby teeth under their pillows?”

“Yes.”

“Did they get any money?”

“No,” says Daniel who is forced to ask himself why he thinks the tooth fairy is actually going to come that night. There’s a good chance he only goes to rich peoples’ houses. Even at his young age, he knows not everybody has everything. His house has an ice box. Everyone else has a refrigerator. There’s no TV. He gets to lie on the floor and listen to the cathedral radio. There’s no car in their driveway. Their driveway is the only one on their street that has ashes instead of cement or asphalt.

The basement of Daniel’s house is home to a coal-burning furnace with octopus-arm huge ducts that carry warm air to the upper floor. Sometimes he slides open the grate on furnace and looks at the coals burning inside and thinks that must be what hell is like. The sump pump in one corner sings its song of flood protection nestled in a water-filled pit. Daniel often takes a look at it. Sometimes his older brother offers to throw him in. Their small house is chock-a-block with nine bodies. No wonder the tooth fairy doesn’t come to visit.

“So, here’s what I have to offer, says the mouse. You give me this tooth and all your other baby teeth as they fall out, and my master will give you something of great value in return.”

“What am I going to get and when?”

“I can’t tell you that because I don’t know,” says the mouse. But I can tell you my master says that they will be some things of importance that you will need at different times in your life and having them will make you very special. He also told me that you have to listen for his voice if you want the special things to come your way.”

“So will he come and visit me?” asks Daniel. Will he be showing up with the things that will make me special?”

“I don’t know,” answers the tooth mouse. All he told me was that you should listen for his voice. He didn’t say if that meant he would show up in person. But I don’t know why he would tell you to listen if he was going to stand in front of you talking.”

Daniel likes the idea of being special, so he holds out the tooth. The talking mouse picks it up in his mouth and disappears. Daniel has a lot of questions he wants to ask, but it is too late for that. Though he is full of questions, they are not enough to keep him awake, and he is soon in a deep sleep.

When Daniel awakens, his first thought is about the dream he had about a talking mouse. He puts his hand under his pillow in search of the money left by the tooth fairy. Not only is there no money, there’s no tooth either. There is a small number of possibilities for what has created this situation. One is that the tooth fairy came, took his tooth, and didn’t leave any money. Another possibility is that his parents came into his room and took his tooth. It could also be that one of his brothers took it. Daniel knows that it is unlikely any of those possibilities are responsible for his missing tooth. That leaves him with only one possible answer. The talking mouse took it.

The only thing Daniel is absolutely sure of is that he is never going to tell anyone what he has experienced. If he starts telling people that he has met a mouse that can talk, he is likely to end up taking a bus to a special school the way Jimmy his next door neighbour does. Jimmy can’t speak and makes guttural noises while flapping his hands. No one is ever going to hear about the tooth mouse.

As he is lying in bed thinking about what has happened, his tongue is unconsciously exploring his mouth. He runs his tongue over his upper and lower teeth. He finds an unstable one. By pushing on it with his tongue, he can rock it back and forth. This is going to be the next baby tooth to go. What should he do with it? Being missed by the tooth fairy could have been a mistake. Next time it might work. He figures he has nothing to lose and will put the next one under his pillow. This happens sooner than he expects.

That night, Daniel has another tooth to deposit. The same is true for the next night, the next night and several nights after that. Each morning after a tooth loss, Daniel checks under his pillow. Nothing. Always nothing. He begins to ask himself if he should bother. He decides he will bother. If the mouse was telling the truth, and if Daniel keeps his word, then something really good is going to happen to him.

After his initial dental losses, the time between individual tooth loss has grown longer. Some of Daniel’s baby teeth are quite obstinate and have decided to stay in place even though his adult teeth are trying to push them out. By the time Daniel is 12, all his baby teeth are gone. Except for one. It’s causing a problem for his upper row of teeth. He has tried his best to get it out, but nothing has worked. The next step is to go see Dr. Yasney the dentist. Daniel has never been to a dentist. None of his brothers have been to a dentist, but from what Daniel can tell from what he sees on television, going to the dentist is not a pleasant experience. He makes it clear to his mother that he really doesn’t want to go.

In spite of his protestations, Daniel finds himself in Dr. Yasney’s chair. “It’s a good thing you brought him in,” says Dr. Yasney to Daniel’s mother. “It’s going to be a bit awkward to extract. Do you want me to freeze it?” Daniel’s mother shakes her head. Freezing will cost extra. There’s not enough in her meagre budget for an extra expense. “I’m sure he will be ok without it,” she says and gives Daniel a look that says don’t make a big deal out of this. No crying.

Daniel does his best to comply, but ends up whimpering while Dr. Yasney removes the tooth and places it in a tray attached to the dental chair. Daniel glances over at it and asks “Can I, have it?” Dr. Yasney looks at Daniel for a second and wonders why a 12-year old would want a tooth. He cannot possibly believe in the tooth fairy. “Sure” says Dr. Yasney as he picks up the small tooth and hands it to Daniel.

Daniel’s Mother has the same question as the dentist. Why on earth would her far-too-old son want one of his baby teeth? She has wondered about her son for some time. She has always found him a bit strange. He started reading the newspaper at six and has wanted to discuss world issues with her since then. He also commandeers the adult books she is reading such as The Agony and the Ecstasy rather than the much more appropriate stories of The Hardy Boys. He has also read his older brother’s English literature books and wants to discuss the novel 1984. His mother has never read the book. And now his desire for a baby tooth reinforces her opinion of his strangeness. She is curious about why Daniel wants the tooth, but decides she has had enough of thinking about her son’s strangeness, and decides not to ask for fear she is going to learn something even stranger about her son.

That night for the last time, Daniel puts a tooth under his pillow even though he feels a bit silly doing something only little kids do. The next morning there is nothing there. But he has a feeling that something happened during the night. He has a vague memory of something shimmering and silvery flying around his room. After a while he decides it must have been a dream and there was nothing in his room that night. He does not know what to think about the feather he found of the floor next to his bed and decides it must have come from his pillow.

Some weeks later, his school is abuzz about a new program. Baby teeth are being collected so they can be tested for the amount of radiation they contain. It is a way of determining how much radiation from above-ground testing of atom bombs is making its way into everyone’s body. Each kid who donates a tooth gets a metal button that reads “I gave my tooth to science.”

Daniel’s school is filled with kids wearing the tooth button. There are several who are Daniel’s age. Everyone wants to know why he isn’t wearing a button. Daniel’s response is to tell them that he lost all his baby teeth early on and didn’t have any to donate. This explanation seems to work and Daniel is glad he doesn’t have to wear a button that says, “I gave my teeth to a tooth mouse.”

“So, there you have it,” says Lucas.”

“Really?” says Lord Hades. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I think this is not much of a story.”

“This is just the beginning,” says Lucas. “I think it will make sense in the full story of this man’s life.”

Hades directs a question to his judges. “What do the three of you think?”

Minos is the first to respond. “Well, I certainly don’t have enough to decide on the nature of this man one way or the other. But I do think it is a rather boring story. There’s no murders, no incest or bestiality.

“I have to agree.” Says Rad. “There is certainly not enough for me to judge whether he lived justly.”

Hades turn to Aecus for his response. “I too have very little to go on, and I cannot judge his virtue.”

“I think that is pretty good analysis,” says Hades. “I suggest that we just stop this exercise and send this fellow back to the above world.”

“Easier said than done,” says Lucas. “Remember what happened with Eurydice. We didn’t do too well with that.”

“Apples and oranges,” says Hades. “That wasn’t our fault. It was Orpheus’s. All he had to do was not look back and Eurydice would be able to get to the above world. We could just send this Daniel Lehman fellow back without no strings attached. We can do whatever we like, we are gods. Not snivelling mortals.”

Lucas takes the opportunity to make his case. “When I talked to Hermes about Daniel’s story. He only agreed to provide me with it if I promised that I would tell his whole story. That’s the only reason he provided us with all the details necessary to pass judgement on Daniel’s life.”

Hades is annoyed. “And what makes Hermes think he can stop us from doing or not doing whatever we like?”

“Lord Hades, only Orpheus has ever gone back to the above world. And it is worth remembering that he only got here without dying because the gods protected him. One of those powerful gods was Hermes, and without him, Daniel is neither going forward nor backward. Hermes has made it clear to me that either I tell the whole story or you will have to listen to Daniel calling out to them for eternity. He snaps his fingers and Daniel’s voice fills their space. It seems loud enough to wake the dead.

He snaps his fingers again and Daniel’s moaning stops. Hades and his three judges sigh in unison. Lucas takes this as a sign of resignation. “Since we do not really have a choice, I suggest we continue with Daniel’s story and answer the question it poses. So, using the scale I gave you, do you think the story I just told is of importance as to understanding how and why Daniel chooses to live his life?”

“Mice, teeth, a fairy, and something called a bomb, how are they going to shape his future life?” Hades mumbles to himself.

“For this to work, you will all have to keep your comments to yourselves. It is important that you are not influenced by each other’s reactions,” says Lucas. Shall we get on with it?”

Strongly Agree Agree Neutral Disagree Strongly Disagree
Escape from Scarberia: Prologue

April 22nd, 2026

It is July 1969, and a man is walking on the moon. Daniel, 19-year-old high school dropout, father of a baby girl, supposed seller of printing and bindery supplies, and extremely flawed individual, is with eight other salesmen in the waiting room of the buyer for Women’s College Hospital.

None of Daniel’s friends have a square-john job like his. Most of them are growing their hair down to their knees and half of them are in Goa smoking joints the size of his arm, dropping acid, and fucking on the beach. This is not how he expected things to turn out for him. He doesn’t know exactly what he was expecting, but he knows that it wasn’t being a salesman.

Sales calls, especially cold calls, are not something Daniel enjoys. He only took the job because it paid enough for him to escape the House of Pain. Before becoming a salesman, he worked in a factory for $1.25 per hour. Fifty dollars per week was not enough for him, his wife and daughter to live in their own place. He was tired of having to sleep in their bedroom in his wife’s parents house that was barely big enough for both a queen-sized bed and a crib. He was unhappy living in a house he shared with his mother and father in-law, three sisters-in-law and a brother-in law, all of whom he did not enjoy sharing space with.

Moving into the House of Pain introduced him to an entirely new world. Initially it seemed like a much better world. I was a much nice house. There was better food than he was used to, nobody expected him to do stuff around the house, and he had access to a car. It came as a surprise to find out both his mother and father-in-law were upper-middleclass alcoholics. His parents didn’t drink, and he had never met an alcoholic. He soon learned that his father-in-law’s real job wasn’t as a petroleum engineer but as an overworked beast of burden. He worked so the rest of the family could spend all he earned and then demand he earn some more. Except for Daniel’s wife, Jan, his father-in-law’s children treated him with a complete lack of respect. They said things to him that Daniel could never imagine saying to his father.

Daniel learned that his mother-in-law was a recovering alcoholic. As near as he could determine, she quit drinking so she could lord it over her husband whom she often describes as a weak man. Daniel had never heard a wife badmouth her husband in front of their children. It was an even bigger surprise that they slept in different bedrooms. His father-in-law slept in his young son’s room. The son slept his mother’s bedroom. Daniel couldn’t get his head around that even when he was told it was only because his father-in-law snored and it kept his mother-in-law awake. The situation was far too Freudian for Daniel to contemplate. As for his three sisters-in-law, when they weren’t stealing his cigarettes, they spent most of their time screaming at each other and languishing in the basement smoking dope.

Daniel’s job as a salesman paid $100 per week and provided access to a car. It was his ticket to freedom. Or so he thought. He hadn’t counted on being told by his boss to get his hair cut, not once but twice. He was also instructed to always wear a suit and a shirt and tie. He no longer looked like any of his friends. Now he looked like a guy from a 1950s movie. He was relieved he didn’t have to wear a hat the same way the older salesmen did.

As Daniel sits waiting his turn to plead his case with the buyer, he catches sight of his reflection in the glass door of the buyer’s office. What Daniel sees comes as no surprise. He is wearing his one and only cheap, blue, windowpane-check, suit that he got married in and has his green, faux leather, plastic briefcase on his lap.

As Daniel looks around, he realizes he is by far the youngest person in the room. Only his moustache keeps him from looking like the high school-aged kid he is. None of the other salesmen warrant more than a short look. Except for one.

Daniel is focused on a guy in the corner of the room. He is older than the rest of the salesmen, and as near as Daniel can determine, he is asleep. The old man’s socks have fallen around his ankles exposing what appears to be varicose veins on his lower calves. The grey suit the old man is wearing is rumpled and several years out of fashion. His blue and red striped tie has been tied so many times, the knot has all but turned into a grease spot on his collar, the points of which are turning up. The old man’s suit jacket is unbuttoned and his paunch is pushing against his almost white shirt causing the area just under the button closest to his belt to gape and expose part of his white, hairy belly.

The old man seems familiar. Daniel is sure he has seen or met him someplace before. But where? As he continues to stare, the old man opens his eyes and looks directly at him. As they lock eyes, Daniel hears the old man’s voice even though his lips aren’t moving. He quickly glances around the room. No one else seems to be able to hear the old man.

“Take a good look sonny Jim. Don’t be so judgmental. You think I planned on ending up like this? You think this is how I wanted my life to turn out? Every decision you make or don’t make eventually has some real consequences. What you are looking at now is the amalgam of all my life’s decisions. You might want to keep that in mind.”

Daniel is tempted to respond. But nobody else in the room seems to be able to hear the old man’s voice and he doesn’t want to be seen talking to himself.

“I was once like you, my head full of dreams and fantasies about what my life was going to be like. And then I made a fateful decision. Look at where you are now and ask yourself if because of what you have done, you have fallen down a rabbit hole you will never escape from.”

Daniel does not want to do that. He does not want to think he is drifting down a bottomless hole. He wants to believe he can be a good husband, a good father, a good provider and have a good and meaningful life.

“Good luck with that sonny Jim. You are fooling yourself. Admit it. You are trapped and you are going to stay trapped until one day you find yourself being just like me.

This statement from the old man rocks Daniel. Is the in a trap or is it just a temporary bad time in his life?

“Oh, it’s not temporary. It’s your life. Think of your existence as an overcrowded lifeboat with limited food supplies. The fewer the passengers, the longer you survive. How many people do you want in the boat with you? Are you willing to push some people overboard to ensure your existence?”

This last statement shocks Daniel. He has never considered his wife and child as impediments to his continued existence. Can he only achieve his dreams if he is on his own? The thought of that disturbs him greatly. Daniel needs to get out of the room. He leaves and goes to the washroom. He stares at his face in the washroom mirror for several minutes before he returns to the waiting room. When he gets back, the old man is no longer there. He turns to one of the other salesmen he has been sitting with.

“Is the old guy in with the buyer now?” he asks him.

“What old man?” is the salesman’s response.
Escape from Scarberia: Prologue

April 22nd, 2026

Lord Hades is extremely annoyed. He has woken up from a very long sleep because his dog is barking its three heads off. He tells Cerebus to knock it off, and he looks around to see what has caused the commotion. To his surprise he sees his three judges silently standing at a respectful distance. It has been a long time since the trio has shown up.

When the world still believed in the ancient gods, the judges would come to him when they needed him to be final arbiter of who gets rewarded in the afterlife, who gets ignored, and who gets punished. But they have had little to do during the past 2,000 years. No one shows up now asking for Charon to ferry them across the river Styx so they can meet their fate in the afterlife. This has suited Hades just fine since he no longer has to listen to the three judges argue about what the appropriate fate for an individual should be. It is in their nature to do so at great length.

Minos is all about wisdom and fairness. He has assumed the role of determining the character of someone wanting admission. Rhadamanthus, or Rad as Hades calls him, is determined to find out who has lived unjustly. And Aecus determines how virtuous someone was in their lifetime. He is particularly interested in those who had a positive effect on their communities. If the good outweighs the bad, the dead go to Elysium. If the dead are found to have lived a bad life, they go to Tartarus.

Hades lets out a large sigh. All this judgement is really not his thing. When the ancient gods were still in power, he only supervised the trials of the dead. He did not actually judge them. Whether they went to Tartarus because they were being punished for their wickedness in life or rewarded in Elysium for their virtue and good deeds really did not concern him. He couldn’t care less if the dead were virtuous and brave or wicked and cowardly. His role was only to observe. The Furies did the punishing and Elysium was its own reward. If there was no clear distinction between living a good life or a bad one, the dead wander for eternity in the Asphodel Fields which was neither a good nor a bad place.

“Why are you here?” Hades asks his judges.

“We have a problem.” Responds Minos.

“By we, do you mean you three, or all of us?” asks Hades.

The trio remains silent until Aecus speaks.

“Well. This is a complicated matter. An individual has shown up and is asking for admission. Normally that would be easy, but the standards for good and evil we applied to the others who have stood before us may not apply.”

“You will need to explain that to me. Are you saying that the above world could no longer believe in good and evil?” asks Hades.

“We don’t really know. What we see as good could be seen as evil and vice versa” Says Rad. “

Hades would like to go back to sleep, but it looks like that is not going to happen anytime soon. Though he knows it is unlikely, Hades wants whatever needs to be done is done quickly. “Alright, let’s get on with it. Let me know when you have finished your deliberations and have decided on this individual’s fate,” he says.

Mino is the first to respond. “We would like to do that Lord Hades, but it is not going to be easy and we will need your help. For this to work, we will need to open ourselves up to the history, values, and actions of this man’s society.

“And just how will we go about doing that?” asks Hades

“It’s relatively easy,” responds Minos. “As you no doubt know, the three of us have been visiting the above world over the centuries.

“That I did not know,” says Hades. “Why did you hide that from me?

“We didn’t really hide it, we just didn’t tell you,” says Rad. He does not point out that Hades has been sleeping for a very long time.

Hades is annoyed. He resists asking them if they know that a sin of omission and a sin of commission are both sins. “And what have you learned from your visits?” ask Hades.

There is a moment’s hesitation before anyone speaks. Finally, Rad answers Hades’ question. “A lot has changed Lord Hades. Nobody believes in us anymore. There are lots of different gods and beliefs. Early on our names were changed. Some faiths stole our traditions and use them for their own ends. We cannot use our standards to deliver judgement.”

“Why are we involved in this?” he asks. “We haven’t seen anyone here in quite a long time. If there are other religions now, why can’t one of them judge the person who has shown up?”

“We thought of that,” says Aecus. “But because the individual showed up with a coin in his mouth for payment, Charron had to ferry him across the Styx and he called out to us to come and do what we have always done. We have no idea why there was a coin in his mouth, but because he had one, he is now our responsibility.”

“So, let me see if I understand what you are telling me,” says Hades. “We are stuck with this individual, but we cannot judge them without knowing all about them and how they conducted themself in relation to the values and beliefs of their time.”

“That’s a fair analysis,” says Aecus.

Hades is now actively engaged in the challenge the judgers have presented. “So, just exactly how are we going to learn all about the above world and this persons’ place in it. I have no desire to wait eons until we can pass judgement.”

Aecus is tempted to ask why Hades is concerned about time, since it really doesn’t exist for any of them. Instead, he says “I thought about how you have always said you want to be presented with solutions not problems. So, I contacted Hermes, the great communicator, and asked if he still had the power to fly around the world gathering and imparting knowledge. He was insulted that I even had to ask.”

“As I recall, he’s like that,” says Hades.

“He said he could gather all the information about the individual who is waiting on judgment

And he would then be able to transfer that information to a rhapsode who could then relate his entire history to us,” says Aecus. “Hermes will give us the background to the society in which this person lived so we can judge his actions accordingly.

This information does not have the positive reaction Aecus was expecting.

“Oh no. Not a rhapsode. All that gesticulating, singing, and acting out their stories is a bit much. Listening to one of them go on and on is more than I can bear. The complete story of this person’s life will take forever,” says Hades.

Again, Aecus wonders why Hades is so interested in time. There is no time for them. Listening to the rhapsode articulate this person’s life would take the blink of an eye.

“We can negotiate that with the rhapsode,” say Aecus. “I have one in mind. Lucas is his name.”

“Ah, the bringer of light. I know him,” says Hades. “Unless I am remembering wrongly, he is a major singer and dancer when he tells stories. He continually asks his audiences to participate in the story. We are going to have to limit him to exactly what we want him to do if we are not going to be required to listen for hours and hours.”

Again, the time thing, thinks Aecus. “We can do that. If we change his idea of what amounts to participation in his stories, then we shouldn’t have a problem,” he says.

“Let’s get on with it,” says Hades. “Summon him now.”

In an instant, Lucas arrives. He bows to Hades and the judges before he starts to speak. “Lord Hades, Aecus has explained the situation to me. I will not be telling one of my stories. My job will be to tell Daniel Lehman’s story.

“So, we have a man. We have his name. And we have his life story, Is that correct?” asks Hades.

“Yes, Lord Hades,” responds Lucas. “I have taken all the information about Daniel Lehman that Hermes provided me and have organized his life into chapters. I have concentrated on events that appear to be significant enough to shape his life and determine his actions. It is upon those he will be judged.”

Minos decides it is time for him to get back in on the action.

“Lord Hades,” he says. “Based on the information Hermes has provided. I think I have come up with something that will ensure our judgement is fair.

The above world uses a measurement tool that can be useful to us. It is called a Likert scale. A question is posed and then the response is on a scale of one to five.” Hades is confused by this information, so, Lucas immediately explains.

“Let’s say that after looking at an event in Daniel Lehman’s life, we ask ourselves if what he has done shows empathy. One side of the scale is a negative strongly disagree, and the other side.is a positive strongly agree. Between them are three other choices: disagree, neutral, and agree. Each of the responses is given the numerical value of one. “

Lucas projects an image. “This is what the scale looks like,” he says. “Each of the judges will fill in the scale with an answer to each of the questions about the life of Daniel Lehman as posed by you Lord Hades.”

Strongly Agree Agree Neutral Disagree Strongly Disagree

“What kind of questions are appropriate?” says Hades. “There are myriad questions that could be asked about the events of Daniel Lehman’s life.”

“That is true, Lord Hades,” says Lucas. “That is why I have picked events that are important and are likely to produce an emotional response. That response will form your question.”

“Alright, I ask a lot of questions, and then what?” asks Hades.

At the end of my story, we will look at all the answers and add up the scores. If in the final total, negative scores are higher than the positives, Lehman is destined for Tartarus. If the positives are greater, Elysium awaits. If the neutrals are stronger, he will wander forever in Asphodel Field. How does that sound?”

Hades thinks it sounds like a lot of work, but the judges appear to be really into it. He knows if he doesn’t go along, he will never hear the end of it. “Alright,” says Hades. “Let’s get on with it.”
ESCAPE FROM SCARBERIA: School Days

November 13th, 2025

ESCAPE FROM SCARBERIA: School days, school days

As he trudges his way toward school in the winter of 1956, seven-year-old Daniel Lehman hopes today the bullies will find a different victim. The thought of more bullying makes him check that the manilla envelope he is carrying is still under his coat. He hopes today won’t be as bad as yesterday. Maybe today will be different. That morning when his mother gave him the envelope he is carrying, she told him it just might make things better.

Walking the mile to his school in the winter means Daniel has to wear long johns under his breeks. His two older brothers wore the same pants to school when they were younger. But now he is the only kid in school who wears them. Getting his clothes off to pee is always a race, one which today he did not win. It was not a minor loss. The wet stain he tried to hide attracted some older boys who decided making fun of him was their job that day.

“Hey look at you. You’ve pissed your pants. What’s the matter; did your mother forget to put your diaper on you this morning? And where did you get those pants? Did your grandfather leave them to you? No one wears those kinds of pants anymore. Maybe your mother doesn’t know how to dress the ton the kids she has.”

From past experience, Daniel has learned that it is better to say nothing. Trying to defend himself only made the bullies try harder. The best he could do was to hope his pants dried out before lunch hour was over. They didn’t. When his teacher, Mrs. Brown, asked him what had happened, he told her that some bigger boys had made him wet with their squirt guns. She was nice enough. to ask only once.

As he walks home after school that afternoon, Daniel is glad it is Friday. He will have two days free from being made the butt of jokes by other students. He is glad the fact he must eat in the basement with his two older brothers is not common knowledge. Neither is the fact the older children had to repaint and repackage their toys to give to the younger kids, and the Christmas and birthday presents he tells his fellow students about are imaginary. He doesn’t have Gene Autry six guns, a slinky dog, or a kiddie car.

Unfortunately, Daniel has provided lots of ammunition for any bullies in waiting. He wears too-big hand-me-downs from his two older brothers. He has virtually the same things to eat every day. If it is not a cheese sandwich, it is peanut butter and jam. Every once in a while, there will be tuna fish or bologna. There is never any desert. He rarely gets anything he really likes to eat. The only exception is on First Fridays of the month. He doesn’t have breakfast so he can receive communion. Instead, he is given a slightly warm fried egg sandwich wrapped in tinfoil to eat at his desk after Mass. He wishes there were more than one First Friday a month.

As Daniel nears home, he begins to think about his mother. She is a mystery to him. What exactly does his mother do when he is at school? He knows she must take care of her three small children and his father when he is at home during the day. But that doesn’t take up all her time, does it? What does she do when she has time to herself? Does she ever have time for herself? He is about to find out.

When Daniel enters the house, he finds his mother at their grey, melamine kitchen table. She looks at him and puts a finger to her lips to tell him he should be quiet because his younger brother and sisters are sleeping. She points to the chair beside her indicating she wants Daniel to sit down. Daniel sits on his special chair, the one with plastic covered magazines stacked on it that allows him to sit at a proper height at the table.

When his mother looks at Daniel’s face, she sees something is bothering her normally happy child. “Did something happen at school today?” she asks. She does not have to ask twice. The events of the day are recounted in full detail as are Daniel’s feeling of not belonging and not having anything he can brag about like the other students do. As a virtual orphan who grew up in a convent, his mother feels Daniel’s pain.

There is only so much time that can be spent feeling sorry for yourself in his mother’s world. She wipes away the tears on Daniel’s cheeks and returns to drinking her tea and sketching on the pieces of carboard that keep the layers in the box of Muffets breakfast cereal separate. Daniel leans in to get a closer look at what she is doing.

On the card his mother is currently using are a series of boxes. The others on the table feature pictures of houses as well as landscapes. “Can you really draw?” he asks her. “Oh yes, I can draw,” says his mother. “Do you want to see what I can do?” Daniel nods his head. “Come with me,” she says, standing up and motioning for him to follow her to her bedroom.

This is an exciting invitation into a room Daniel has repeatedly been told to keep out of. Once inside, his mother motions for him to sit on the bed while she rummages through her closet. She finds what she is looking for and sits down beside him.

His mother is holding a green portfolio tied in the front with a ribbon. “Did you know I went to art school before the war? Daniel shakes his head and wonders how he could possibly know that. He knows almost nothing about the lives of his parents before they became parents. “Well, I did,” she says. “Are here are some of the kinds of things I drew and painted.”

His mother opens her portfolio and Daniel is surprised by what he sees. It is a coloured chalk sketch of a beautiful woman with impossibly long legs and more than ample breasts. That’s my copy of a Vargas girl,” his mother says. And when she notices how intently Daniel is examining every bit of the drawing, she turns the page and then another and another. “This is a Gibson girl, and this is just a little water colour I did. This is a still life.”

Daniel stares at page after page of drawings he had no idea his mother was capable of producing. When she closes the portfolio, he has a hundred questions. “What is C-h-l-o-e? And why is it on all your pictures?” “Not what but who. Just someone I used to know,” his mother responds with a tone that says he should not ask any more questions.

Later that evening when brothers and sisters are in bed and his father is at work until after midnight, Daniel’s mother sits in the living room wondering just what she can do to make Daniel’s time at school more pleasant. She can’t buy him new clothes or toys. She can’t even change what she makes him for lunch. After a few minutes, she realizes there is something she can do that just might make a difference.

Daniel’s mother goes to her bedroom and finds the shirt cardboards she has been saving for something, but can’t remember for what. Having his shirts laundered is one of her husband’s only nonessential expenses. She has no problem with that because she does not have to wash and iron them to a military standard. They come back from the cleaners wrapped, folded, and made stiff with a piece of cardboard. The cardboard the cleaners use is smooth and white on one side and unfinished and gray on the other. She needs eight pieces for what she has in mind. Once she has them, she goes into her closet looking for the other things she needs for her task. She works on her project for several hours on each night of the weekend. Monday morning before school, she hands Daniel the envelop he is now carrying.

“What is it?” Daniel asks.”

“It’s something to make your classroom better, responds his mother. I put a note inside for your teacher.”

Daniel, who is rarely excited about going to his classroom, cannot wait to find out what is in the envelope his mother has told him to give to Mrs. Brown. As soon as he gets into his classroom, Daniel tells Mrs. Brown his mother told him to give the envelope to her and it is something for the classroom. Mrs. Brown puts the envelope on her desk without opening it. Daniel wonders if she is not interested in it. He is wrong.

Mrs. Brown respects both order and ritual. Before she does anything else that morning, she will lead her students in the singing of Come Holy Ghost and the recitation of the Apostle’s Creed. Next her students will sing the national anthem. Then they will sit down at their desks in silence with their hands clasped on their desktops. That is the way of the day. That is the way of every day.

Normally, Daniel likes singing in class in the morning. It makes him feel good. But today, he is frustrated. He wants Mrs. Brown to open the envelope right now. That is not to be. There are administrative matters she needs to deal with. Report cards are coming. The school inspector is coming. Father Leo is coming to talk about confirmation. Daniel wonders if the list of things she needs to talk about will never end. He wants to ask her to open the envelope right away. But he doesn’t. You don’t talk in Mrs. Brown’s class without first raising your hand and being given permission to do so.

When she has finished admonishing her class for myriad things, Daniel watches as Mrs. Brown opens the envelope and reads his mother’s note. She pulls out shirt cardboards and looks at the first one. She smiles. She looks at the next and the next. The smile remains. “Well class. You’re in for a special treat today. Mrs. Lehmann has drawn some pictures for our classroom.”

This statement causes a minor ripple of interest through the class. “What I am going to do is show you one picture at a time and you will tell me who it is. For this exercise, and for this exercise only, you do not have to raise your hands. Just say the name as soon as you know it. This statement creates actual surprise and anticipation. His mother would say the students looked like they have St. Vitus dance. Everyone keeps looking over at Daniel. Many of his classmates are smiling at him. For the first time ever, Daniel feels special.

“So, who is this?” Mrs. Brown asks, knowing that the movie recently played on television.

“Doc,” the class says almost in unison.

“And this”

“Sleepy.”

This goes on until she reaches the last picture and once more asks who it is. And again, in unison, “Snow White” is the class response.

“Very good class,” Mrs. Brown says. “I will put Mrs. Lehman’s drawings on the front desks and you can come by and take a look at them. When they do, it is clear from their reactions Daniel’s fellow students are impressed with his mother’s work.

When all the students have taken their turn looking at the drawings of Snow White and the seven dwarves, Mrs. Brown tell the class that she will tack them up around the room. When Daniel is leaving that day, Mrs. Brown asks him to stay back. When they are alone, Mrs. Brown touches him on the shoulder. “Tell your mother that she is both wise and talented,” she says. This makes Daniel wonder just exactly what her mother wrote in her note to Ms. Brown.

When Daniel enters the classroom the next morning, the first thing he sees is one of his mother’s drawings. As he looks around at the rest of the pictures, he thinks about how the other kids have better toys and clothes, have smaller families, and live in bigger houses, but he asks himself if his classmates have mothers who can draw. As he sits there waiting for the day’s rituals to begin, he realizes that he is not special at all. It is his talented mother who is the special one.

Five decades later and shortly after his mother’s death, Daniel finds himself in an art gallery in Santa Barbara. On display are original drawings from several of Disney’s animated films. Part of the displays are original animation cels that can be purchased for an exorbitant cost. When he come to cels from the Snow White movie, he is transfixed by Snow White’s. He realizes just how little he knew about his mother. He wishes he had talked with Chloe. He thinks they might have had a lot in common.
ESCAPE FROM SCARBERIA: Lost in London

September 11th, 2025

It is 1961, and soon to be 11-years old Scarberian, Daniel Lehman, is standing on Hyde Park corner in London watching the red, double decker bus containing his brother and father disappear into a never-ending stream of traffic. The bus they got on was crowded and the clippy, who was selling tickets, enforced the maximum standing rule by announcing it loudly and then pushing Daniel off the platform at the back of the bus. He isn’t frightened because he is sure that in a few minutes his brother and father will realize he is not on the bus and then make their way back to him. They have to realize he has no money and can’t pay for his ticket.

As he waits, he checks out his surroundings. He finds out that Hyde Park corner has a number of war memorials. He examines the Australian War Memorial, the Royal Artillery Memorial, the Royal Artillery Memorial, the New Zealand War Memorial, and the Machine Gun Corps Memorial. He wonders why all these memorials are on this particular corner. He wonders if his father could tell him why. He was in England for part of the war, but he never talks about it. His standard response to “Did you fight in the war?” is “I fought and fought, but still they took me.” So much for what the one-time shoe salesman had to say about the war.

After what seems like an eternity of walking back and for and watching people get on bus after bus, he eventually realizes no one is going to come and save him. He is lost in a huge, strange city. He doesn’t know what to do and is trying to push away the fear that is beginning to edge its way into his brain. He is wondering how he came to be in the position he is in. He shouldn’t be in London. No one he knows has been to London. He doesn’t even know anyone who has been outside the country. His father doesn’t even own a car, but because he works for an airline, he managed to get he and his brother onto a jet plane that took them across the Atlantic Ocean only to lose him in London.

Daniel is a naturally curious child. He started delivering newspapers at seven-years old and has been reading the newspaper every day before he starts his deliveries. At 11, he knows a lot about what is going on in the world. He knows Fidel Castro is the leader of Cuba and has turned communist. He has read about the French and the pending independence of Algeria. He knows Kennedy is the new President of the United States and Eisenhower was the old one. He knows about the Russians and Sputnik. He knows who Yuri Gargarin is and he has read about Bishop Mikarios who is the President of Cyprus, though he doesn’t know exactly where Cyprus is. And he knows who Adolf Eichmann is and what he did to Jews during the war.

From very early on, Daniel has made a point of noticing and remembering things. He knows they are staying at the Strand Palace Hotel and that the hotel is down the street from Trafalgar Square. All he has to do is to get to Trafalgar Square and then find the Strand and follow it to the hotel. How to do that? It doesn’t occur to him that he could just find the nearest policeman, tell him he is lost and let the cop do the rest. But it does occur to him that he noticed maps in the tube that show the underground routes and a surface street map as well. All he needs to do is to find Trafalgar Square on the map in relation to the underground stop he is at which will be highlighted by a red dot. But first he has to find a tube station. He saw one as his father, brother and he were walking toward Hyde Park. But where? He does not want to walk in any direction if he is only to find our he has gone the wrong way. The best thing to do is to ask someone.

Daniel picks a well-dressed man wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella who is standing on the corner waiting for the traffic light to change so he can cross the street. He looks familiar somehow.

“Sir, can you tell me how to get to the nearest subway station? asks Daniel.

“Subway? I’d be happy to help, but I don’t know what you’re looking for, “ responds the bowler hat.

Daniel is flummoxed. He doesn’t know what the problem is. Then he remembers he’s not at home. He is in London and Londoners call it the tube or the underground. “Sorry. I’m looking for the nearest underground station,” he says.

“Ah, a little American. That depends on where you want to get to. Different lines go in different directions,” says the man with the umbrella who is wondering why the little boy in the tweed blazer and oxford shoes is wandering around alone.

“Trafalgar Square,” says Daniel.

“Piccadilly line then. The tube station is just around this corner,” says the man using his umbrella to point out the right direction.

Daniel wants to tell the helpful man that he is not an American, but the bowler hat has already started to cross the road.

Daniel sets off in the direction the man has indicated with his umbrella, and in a few minutes, he is in the Piccadilly tube station staring at the map that shows the surface routes as well as the path of the underground line. Daniel is surprised at the large spiderweb of streets that all lead toward Trafalgar Square. He decides the easiest thing to do is to trace from Trafalgar Square back to the red dot that shows the station he is at. Several attempts either lead to dead ends or go away from his tube station. Eventually he figures it out. If he follows Piccadilly Street, if will eventually take him to Trafalgar Square.

Daniel leaves the underground station and sets out for his walk. He wishes he wasn’t wearing the sensible shoes his parents insist on buying for him. His toes are pinched and his feet are already sore from the walking he his father and brother did to get to Hyde Park. Once he has found Piccadilly Street, he finally asks himself if he should just ask a policeman for help. It would not be hard to find one. They seem to be all over the place. But some part of him wants to find his way back to his father and brother without having to ask anyone for help. His father, the shoe salesman, survived a war. He should be able to survive a walk. Based on the map he looked at, the first thing he has to do is get to Piccadilly Circus, which he is pretty sure is not an actual circus. From there it was a short distance to Trafalgar Square. He wishes he could have brought the map with him. He would like to be absolutely sure he is walking in the right direction.

As Daniel walks, he realizes Piccadilly is quite the street. There is lots for a kid from Scarberia to see. He passes by an apartment building called the Albany, the likes of which he has never seen before. London is very different than his home city where everything seems new and modern. Everything in London seems old. There are still signs of buildings that were bombed during the war. As he walks, Daniel sees a shopping arcade. It looks like an interesting place and he would like to visit, but he knows his father and brother will be sick with worry about him. He needs to get to the hotel as fast as he can. He is sure that by now, his father has called the police. There are probably a lot of cops looking for him.

Daniel passes by the Ritz Hotel and wishes he were staying there. He wonders if the Ritz Hotel is why people talk about putting on the ritz. He knows there is a song by that name that he heard in an old movie on television. He is getting hungry and all the restaurants he walks by taunt the penniless Daniel. A bookshop called Hatchard’s catches his eye. He has never been in a store that sells nothing but books, especially one which says it was founded in 1797. Daniel continues to walk and passes by the impressive St. James Church and then an outdoor market that looks very interesting. He passes by Fortnum and Mason. He doesn’t know what that is, but a lot of people are going in and out the front doors of the building. He continues to walk past Green Park and eventually he arrives in Piccadilly Circus, which as he expected, is not a circus.

According to the map he looked at, he has to make a turn to get to Trafalgar Square. But the real world doesn’t look anything like the map. He hesitates for a moment and then decides to ask someone for directions. In a few seconds, he is again off to Trafalgar Square. The directions he was given sent him to Coventry Street where he must turn to the right and follow Whitcomb Street until he hits Pall Mall. And then he must turn to the right and Trafalgar Square will be right there. He does, and it is. He walks around looking at street names until he locates the Strand.

As he nears the hotel, Daniel is sure there will be police cars outside. There aren’t. But maybe they don’t look the same as they do at home. When he arrives at the door of the hotel, he assumes the police must be inside. They could be in the lobby. They aren’t. Maybe the cops are talking to his father in their room. As he rides the elevator, he imagines how happy and relieved his father and brother will be to see him.

There are no cops and no expressions of joy at his return. He expected it to be like an episode of Leave It to Beaver he had seen. Beaver got lost and his parents were frantic to find him. When he got back home, everyone was ecstatic. And that was only after he was gone for a couple of hours in their neighbourhood. The reaction Daniel gets on his return makes him think that life is nothing like it is shown to be on television. When his brother Mikey opens the hotel room door, Daniel sees his father sitting on his bed smoking a cigar. He looks over at Daniel and says, “Glad you found your way back.”

That’s it? Glad you found your way. No tears of joy. No expressions of worry. Just a quick comment and that’s all a 10-year-old boy who was lost in London gets?

“Why didn’t you come looking for me?” Daniel asks his father.

“We did. I sent Mikey out to look for you,’ answers his father.

“I went back to Hyde Park corner, but you weren’t there. I looked around and stayed for a while before I came back,” says Mikey.

As it turns out, Mikey did not come back to the hotel and Daniel’s father went out to look for him. He found him in a penny arcade playing a shooting game.

“Why didn’t you call the police?” Daniel asks his father.

“Because I knew you are a smart kid and that you wouldn’t wander off with a stranger or do anything stupid that would put you at risk,” says his father.

What was meant to comfort Daniel didn’t. Later that night as he is lying in bed going over the events of the day, Daniel realizes that something has changed. Somehow, he knows he has learned something about his life and what it will demand of him. It is not good news.
ESCAPE FROM SCARBERIA: Better to Die on Your Feet

March 9th, 2025

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ESCAPE FROM SCARBEIRA: Plaza Cowboys

February 9th, 2025

The Parkway Plaza cowboys have a code. “If you can’t fuck it, and you can’t drink it, break it.” And they have a very specific attitude towards women. “Good friends are hard to find. Women you can get anywhere.” It is this latter belief, that in later life, Daniel will often turn to his sexual advantage.

The cowboys come from post-war two-bedroom bungalows and rent-subsidized apartments. They come from two-year trade schools. From gas station and factory jobs. From jobs because they want a car, because they want some good clothes, because they can’t stand it at home anymore.

They walk the strip from bowling alley to liquor store. Liquor store to bowling alley. Bowling alley to liquor store. There is nothing else to do. The cowboys walk side-by-side, cigarettes at the corners of their mouths, jackets open to the waist in winter, shoulders hunched against the cold. In summer the uniform is Cowboy King jean jackets and tight black t-shirts. The metal cleats on their Cuban-heeled boots tap out a code mums and dads understand well enough to quickly move aside.

On the way into the downstairs bowling alley, they usually gob on the handrail and leave a wet gooey message for the unwary. Once inside the bowling alley, they plug up the sinks in the bathroom and turn on the taps. They blame this on Edwin who sets pins and cleans up whatever messes the bowlers make.

Edwin is slow. The bowling alley owner underpays him. His mother takes the rest and gives him a tiny allowance. Girls laugh at him and are frightened. He is not allowed to clean the women’s washroom. Edwin will do tricks for money, or for candy, or for fear. He will do a flat-footed tap dance if you ask him, or if you make him. Edwin has a cleft palate and can put his fingers in his mouth and bring them out his nose. The cowboys like this trick the best.

“Come on Edwin. Do your trick. Do your trick and we’ll give you a quarter. Do your trick and you can hang out with us. Do you dance and the same time. Come on Edwin, do your trick. Do your dance.” The voice inside Daniel’s head often asks him if he really wants to be a part of the ugliness of the plaza. He doesn’t have an answer for the voice. He has no idea what his options are.

Almost all the plaza cowboys, and some of the cowgirls, have tattoos. Tattoos come from Bill the Chink’s place. However, Bill is Japanese. Plaza cowboys get tattoos when they’re drunk. They stagger in, pick out their designs and joke around as Bill buzzes them into their arms.

The most popular tattoo is a little red devil called Hot Stuff. Why it is the most popular nobody knows. Some cowboys have elaborate daggers which look as if they pierce the skin. Underneath is often written “born to lose”. Sometimes it is “death before dishonour” or “born to raise hell”. “Born to lose” is the most popular inscription. No one has to ask why. Bill often asks them if they want their name written in Japanese characters under their tattoos. Bill has an odd smile on his face when he asks this. It is just as likely the characters he uses will say “I am a racist asshole.”

Pete’s real dumb. He’s often an embarrassment to his family and sometimes to his friends. Pete’s got more tattoos than half a dozen sailors. He has a scar from a hockey puck under his left eye. The scar reminds you of the dog in the Little Rascals. Except the dog is smarter. Pete’s so dumb he will believe anything if you tell him often enough.

“Man, I am always hungry no matter how much I eat,” Pete says to the group.

It’s because you have a tapeworm,” says one of the guys.

“I do not,” says Bill.

“For sure you do,” says someone else.

“What can I do about it?” asks Bill.

“Well, you have to go to the doctor. the doctor will put a little piece of meat on your tongue.

When the tapeworm smells the meat, it will try to come out to eat it,” says a cowboy.

“He will?” asks Bill

“For sure he will. The doctor will grab the tapeworm with a large pair of tweezers and pull it

out.”

Really?” asks Bill.

“For sure. The tapeworm will take a long time to pull out. It’s at least six feet long and it’s all curled up inside you.”

“Wow!” says Bill. “I think that’s really cool. I’ve never had a pet. My parents won’t let me have one. So, I think I am going to keep the tapeworm. I’m going to call him Fred.”

Chunk has no front teeth. He has “Love” and “Hate” tattooed on his knuckles. Love is on the right hand. Hate is on the left. Chunk looks mean as hell. He looks as if he would kick your eyes out. And he would, if you happened to faint in front of him, and he didn’t like you.

Chunk is not as tough as he looks, and Daniel has figured that out. Daniel is low in the pecking order of the plaza. He gets pushed around. Guys steal his cigarettes. He is a nobody. The only way he can change that is to rise higher in the pecking order. He figures out that Chunk is all thunder and no lightening. He will wait for the next time Chunk tries push him around. When he does, Daniel responds with a left jab that so shocks Chunk he doesn’t respond.

As he stands there stunned, Daniel hits him with a right upside his head and Chunk goes down like a big sack of rice. Chunk does not get up and as he lies on the ground, he spits blood from his mouth and takes out the partial plate Daniel has driven into the roof of his mouth.

Chuck’s time as a supposed tough guy is over. He’s no longer seen as tough, just stupid. Chuck takes Daniel’s place and everyone will now use him for sport. Daniel takes Chuck’s place further up the pecking order and his life at Parkway Plaza gets immeasurably better. The voice inside Daniel’s head asks him if this is who he really wants to be. Does he actually want to do what it takes to be a part of the Parkway Plaza mob?
Escape from Scarberia: Parkway Plaza

December 8th, 2024

The architecture of Parkway Plaza is meant to mirror the arrival of the space age. In 1963, it stands like the one-sided main street of a wild-west town. One end is anchored by a liquor store, the other by a bowling alley. Its storefronts face a pavement desert occupied by station wagons and family sedans during the day and tumbleweed litter when the major stores are closed.

The plaza has two identities. The first is as a regular community shopping centre in a primarily working-class area. The second is as local club, car show, fight ring, centre for criminal activity ranging from petty crime and shoplifting to grand larceny, and an often-toxic place for those who hang out there. Unless you are a monumental wuss, the kind of guy who has his top shirt button done up, wears round-toed, brown shoes, and carries a suck-sack to school, one way or another you are going to find yourself hanging out at Parkway Plaza. You can have a Coke and eat fries and gravy in the restaurant next to the liquor store if you are flush with cash, drink bad coffee from pink Melmac cups and flirt with the acned waitresses working at the Kresge’s lunch counter, hang out by the snack bar in the bowling alley until told to leave, or just hang out in front of the smoke shop waiting for someone to come up with something to do, most likely something dangerous, illegal, or both.

Fourteen-year-old Daniel often finds himself at Parkway Plaza. However, he does not have full membership in the plaza community. He goes to a Catholic high school and none of the other students who go there hangout at the plaza. That puts him at disadvantage. It means he has no core of friends who will stand up for him. But there is nowhere else to go to be with guys his own age. Daniel cannot skate or hit a baseball; he doesn’t know how to play any sports; his parents have no money for sports equipment, and he has no hobbies. The one thing he does know how to do is hang out.

Parkway Plaza is a dangerous place for someone like Daniel. When you are walking through it and someone calls out your name, it’s not because they are glad to see you. It’s likely it is your turn to be used for sport. Daniel has seen this happen several times. A guy will be walking with his girlfriend when someone calls him out. He will find himself facing four or five guys. The guy with the girlfriend knows even if he could take one of them, the others will step in. He will be given the choice of being emasculated in front of his girlfriend by being told to ask forgiveness for something he hasn’t done, or to fight his challenger. The guy who has called him out will often make sure the person he is challenging is completely humiliated.

“I think you should ask for my forgiveness. But I think you should get on your knees and ask me to forgive you.”

The guy who actually kneels and gets kicked in the head for his trouble loses whatever standing in the plaza group he might have had. Even if he doesn’t get kicked, he will never feel the same about himself again, ever. And neither will his girlfriend. As ugly as all this kind of stuff is, there are valuable life lessons Daniel can learn. That’s what happened by watching David Trask.

Daniel and a bunch of guys were standing around looking at somebody’s new Camaro when Trask walked by. With no warning or any indication that something was going to happen, Jimmy Carwin called Trask out. Carwin was not a big guy. He was about five foot eight and wiry. Trask was about the same size but a wrestler and solidly built. Carwin gets in Trask’s way and challenges him by getting right up in his face.

“So, I hear you have been calling me a stupid prick,” is his opening salvo.

Trask looks confused. “I never called you anything.”

“So, you are calling me a liar,” Carwin responds.

Trask knows how this is going to go, “I never called you anything.”

“Well, I know you did, but I’m in a good mood today, so I will let it go,” says Carwin as he turns away from Trask.

Trask relaxes, but Carwin spins around and sucker punches Trask who immediately crumples. Carwin straddles Trask and drives his fist into Trask’s mouth. You can hear Carwin’s fingers break. Trask’s teeth popcorn out of his mouth. Carwin moves back to survey what he has done and Trask looks up at him and says, “My sister can hit harder than that.”

“Pay attention,” says the voice in Daniel’s head. “Look at what went on here. Who actually won this exchange? Trask is hurt, not defeated. See that. Understand that. It is you who decides if and when you are defeated. The world if filled with Carwins and Trasks. Who do you want to be?”
Escape from Scarberia: Purgatory

October 28th, 2024

It is July 1969, and a man is walking on the moon. Daniel, 19-year-old high school dropout, father of a baby girl, supposed seller of printing and bindery supplies, and extremely flawed individual, is with eight other salesmen in the waiting room of the buyer for Women’s College Hospital.

None of Daniel’s friends have a square-john job like his. Most of them are growing their hair down to their knees and half of them are in Goa smoking joints the size of his arm, dropping acid, and fucking on the beach. This is not how he expected things to turn out for him. He doesn’t know exactly what he was expecting, but he knows that it wasn’t being a salesman.

Sales calls, especially cold calls, are not something Daniel enjoys. He only took the job because it paid enough for him to escape the House of Pain. Before becoming a salesman, he worked in a factory for $1.25 per hour. Fifty dollars per week was not enough for him, his wife and daughter to live in their own place. He was tired of having to sleep in their bedroom in his wife’s parents house that was barely big enough for both a queen-sized bed and a crib. He was unhappy living in a house he shared with his mother and father in-law, three sisters-in-law and a brother-in law, all of whom he did not enjoy sharing space with.

Moving into the House of Pain introduced him to an entirely new world. Initially it seemed like a much better world. I was a much nice house. There was better food than he was used to, nobody expected him to do stuff around the house, and he had access to a car. It came as a surprise to find out both his mother and father-in-law were upper-middleclass alcoholics. His parents didn’t drink, and he had never met an alcoholic. He soon learned that his father-in-law’s real job wasn’t as a petroleum engineer but as an overworked beast of burden. He worked so the rest of the family could spend all he earned and then demand he earn some more. Except for Daniel’s wife, Jan, his father-in-law’s children treated him with a complete lack of respect. They said things to him that Daniel could never imagine saying to his father.

Daniel learned that his mother-in-law was a recovering alcoholic. As near as he could determine, she quit drinking so she could lord it over her husband whom she often describes as a weak man. Daniel had never heard a wife badmouth her husband in front of their children. It was an even bigger surprise that they slept in different bedrooms. His father-in-law slept in his young son’s room. The son slept his mother’s bedroom. Daniel couldn’t get his head around that even when he was told it was only because his father-in-law snored and it kept his mother-in-law awake. The situation was far too Freudian for Daniel to contemplate. As for his three sisters-in-law, when they weren’t stealing his cigarettes, they spent most of their time screaming at each other and languishing in the basement smoking dope.

Daniel’s job as a salesman paid $100 per week and provided access to a car. It was his ticket to freedom. Or so he thought. He hadn’t counted on being told by his boss to get his hair cut, not once but twice. He was also instructed to always wear a suit and a shirt and tie. He no longer looked like any of his friends. Now he looked like a guy from a 1950s movie. He was relieved he didn’t have to wear a hat the same way the older salesmen did.

As Daniel sits waiting his turn to plead his case with the buyer, he catches sight of his reflection in the glass door of the buyer’s office. What Daniel sees comes as no surprise. He is wearing his one and only cheap, blue, windowpane-check, suit that he got married in and has his green, faux leather, plastic briefcase on his lap.

As Daniel looks around, he realizes he is by far the youngest person in the room. Only his moustache keeps him from looking like the high school-aged kid he is. None of the other salesmen warrant more than a short look. Except for one.

Daniel is focused on a guy in the corner of the room. He is older than the rest of the salesmen, and as near as Daniel can determine, he is asleep. The old man’s socks have fallen around his ankles exposing what appears to be varicose veins on his lower calves. The grey suit the old man is wearing is rumpled and several years out of fashion. His blue and red striped tie has been tied so many times, the knot has all but turned into a grease spot on his collar, the points of which are turning up. The old man’s suit jacket is unbuttoned and his paunch is pushing against his almost white shirt causing the area just under the button closest to his belt to gape and expose part of his white, hairy belly.

The old man seems familiar. Daniel is sure he has seen or met him someplace before. But where? As he continues to stare, the old man opens his eyes and looks directly at him. As they lock eyes, Daniel hears the old man’s voice even though his lips aren’t moving. He quickly glances around the room. No one else seems to be able to hear the old man.

“Take a good look sonny Jim. Don’t be so judgmental. You think I planned on ending up like this? You think this is how I wanted my life to turn out? Every decision you make or don’t make eventually has some real consequences. What you are looking at now is the amalgam of all my life’s decisions. You might want to keep that in mind.”

Daniel is tempted to respond. But nobody else in the room seems to be able to hear the old man’s voice and he doesn’t want to be seen talking to himself.

“I was once like you, my head full of dreams and fantasies about what my life was going to be like. And then I made a fateful decision. Look at where you are now and ask yourself if because of what you have done, you have fallen down a rabbit hole you will never escape from.”

Daniel does not want to do that. He does not want to think he is drifting down a bottomless hole. He wants to believe he can be a good husband, a good father, a good provider and have a good and meaningful life.

“Good luck with that sonny Jim. You are fooling yourself. Admit it. You are trapped and you are going to stay trapped until one day you find yourself being just like me.

This statement from the old man rocks Daniel. Is the in a trap or is it just a temporary bad time in his life?

“Oh, it’s not temporary. It’s your life. Think of your existence as an overcrowded lifeboat with limited food supplies. The fewer the passengers, the longer you survive. How many people do you want in the boat with you? Are you willing to push some people overboard to ensure your existence?”

This last statement shocks Daniel. He has never considered his wife and child as impediments to his continued existence. Can he only achieve his dreams if he is on his own? The thought of that disturbs him greatly. Daniel needs to get out of the room. He leaves and goes to the washroom. He stares at his face in the washroom mirror for several minutes before he returns to the waiting room. When he gets back, the old man is no longer there. He turns to one of the other salesmen he has been sitting with.

“Is the old guy in with the buyer now?” he asks him.

“What old man?” is the salesman’s response.
Personal Philosophies

August 18th, 2024

Daniel Lehmann is sitting in his living room listening to the never-ending travails of his sixteen-year-old daughter, Lina, who has come to spend the summer with him. Her current complaints are about the guy she was dating and who she broke up with just before she came to see him.

“I really checked him out. I wasn’t going to have anything to do with him if he was a jerk. But he turned out to be a jerk anyway.”

Daniel is somewhat hesitant to ask exactly what the nature of his jerkism was. He is not sure how much he wants to know. “Does the jerk have a name?” he asks. And what does the jerk do? Do you go to school with him?”

“Right now, he is driving a tow truck,” Lena responds. “He’s also the goalie for our hockey team.”

“How old is this guy?” asks Daniel who does his best to not make the question sound like part of parental interrogation.

“Don’t get all wired up,” Luna says. “He’s only nineteen. He went to my high school.”

“What exactly did you do to check him out?” Daniel asks.

Lana gives Daniel a look that says she thinks he is dense as a brick. “I asked other girls who know him what he was like. I talked to his friends about what kind of guy he was. Everyone said he was a real nice guy. Honest and solid.”

“I take it that didn’t hold true,” says Daniel.

“Well, no one told me he would cheat on me. He was supposed to be the one,” Luna says, again with the look that challenges his intelligence.

The one? Daniel doesn’t think his daughter is old enough to find the one. Saying so would no doubt lead to an argument between them. Instead, he decides to do something different. He will be the kind of parent he never had.

Once, when he was not much older than his daughter, he wrote to his mother about the challenges of finding himself. That letter was returned with a message written on it: “This sounds like a soap opera.” Remembering how much that stung, Daniel decides to take a different approach.

“I am sorry that it didn’t work out for you sweetie. But you know there are guarantees in life. It’s like buying a car. No matter what the reputation of the vehicle is, you can still find yourself stuck with a lemon.”

Lana gives him the look. “That’s the best you can do? Cars?” she says.

“No honey, I can do a whole lot better than that” Daniel says. “I think it’s important to recognize that some people are bridges between two points and some people are destinations. They both have value. The trick is not to get them mixed up.”

Again, Lina gives Daniel the look, and as she gets up to leave the room, says, “Spare me your personal philosophies.”

Later that day, when the two of them are eating supper, Lana starts to complain about not being able to turn off her brain. “I am always thinking,” she says. “My brain is always working. There’s never a moment when there’s nothing going on inside my head. I am always thinking about something.”

“Ah yes,” says Daniel. “You’re not alone in experiencing that. But more important are the long-term consequences and what they cause you to have.”

“Like what?” asks Lina.

“It causes you to have personal philosophies,” says Daniel.

Lina gives him a look that says, “I can see them lowering your coffin.”

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