Daniel Discovers Rationalization

By the time Daniel is seven, he knows all about rules, regulations, authority, punishment, and the place in the world that has been designated to him. He knows he must line up in silence when the school bell rings. As he discovered, failure to do so results in getting the strap. He knows boys must never go onto the girls’ side of the school. Violating that rule will also get you the strap.

He knows that even the slightest infraction in class will get him the strap. He knows that correct spelling is all-important. He discovered that after he was given the strap for spelling “of” as “uv.”

He knows adults can hit you as much as they like, if they are teachers.

He knows he must memorize all the questions and answers in the Baltimore Catechism or he will never make his first communion and will never get into heaven. He knows he should think of his soul as if it were a milk bottle. Venial sins put black dots on his soul; a mortal sin will turn it completely black, but confession turns it white again. However, after the Guardian Angel incident, he has begun to wonder about the truth of what he is being told.

Daniel knows it is perfectly normal for children to march around the school yard following a statue of the Blessed Virgin adorned with a crown of flowers while singing “Oh Mary, we crown you with blossoms today. Queen of the angels, queen of the May.” He knows it is a mortal sin to eat meat on Friday during Lent and that if he does so, and then is hit by a car and killed, he will go directly to hell.

He knows he is required to march to church every first Friday of the month. Doing so for a full year and then dying is a direct ticket to heaven. He knows if he is wearing a brown, cloth scapular medal when he dies, he will go straight to heaven and that the metal scapulars do not offer the same benefit. He wishes he had a cloth scapular instead of the metal one he wears.

He knows unbaptized babies are sent to Limbo when they die and never get out even at the end of the world. Apparently, limbo is filled with African babies. He knows if you are a bad actor, but not a really bad actor, you will go to purgatory. He knows if you say the prayer on indulgence cards, you can limit the amount of time someone will spend in purgatory. And if you say a plenary indulgence, you will get them out right away.

He knows he must bring aid to the poor and helpless whenever it is possible to do so. He also knows the best thing he can do for a dying pagan is to baptize them, turn them into a Catholic, and get them a free ride to heaven. That seems like a really good thing to do for a pagan.

Having a squirt gun is all Daniel can think about. Lots of kids have them at school. He wants to know why he is the only kid who doesn’t have one.  When he asks his father if he will buy him one, his father looks at him in shock. “How much is it?” he asks. “Ten cents,” Daniel says. “Wait here,” says his father pointing at the living room sofa. A short time later, his father returns with a package of two rolls of toilet paper and a can of tomato soup.

“Do you know how much these things cost?” he asks Daniel. Daniel has no idea of what either toilet paper or soup cost and says nothing. “Ten cents for the soup and ten cents for the toilet paper,” says his father shaking his head in disbelief. “So, what would you rather have, something warm to eat, something to wipe your bum with, or a squirt gun.” Daniel considers answering his father’s question, but changes his mind.

After his father’s lecture about how important it is to spend every cent carefully and not on anything unnecessary, Daniel begins to think about the place of his family in the world. For the first time, Daniel wonders if his family is poor. He had heard about poor people, but has never seen himself as one of them. But it occurs to him that he does not know anyone else who lives with eight other people in a very small post war bungalow. None of the kids he knows get only one present at Christmas and who feel lucky that their one present isn’t a pair of socks. None of the other kids he knows have parents who don’t own a car. None of the other seven-year-old kids he knows have a paper route. There is no doubt his family is poor. He decides he will pray to Saint Theresa for help in getting his squirt gun.

Saint Theresa’s Shrine of the Little Flower is Daniel’s family church. Every Sunday the family walks the mile from their home to attend mass. Even at seven, Daniel finds the church strange looking. It is small and mimics the architecture of Mexico and the shrines built in Southern California. Daniel likes the church; it feels cosey. In school, he was taught about the symbolism that can be found in any Catholic church. He knows when the red light that hangs near the altar is lit, it means there is a consecrated eucharist in the tabernacle. The bell ringing symbolizes upraised voices in worship. The smoke from the incense use during high mass symbolizes prayers going to heaven.

Daniel particularly likes Benediction on Sundays. He accompanies his mother and listens to her sing. Singing energizes his mother, her face shines when she is singing. Her clear, alto voice can be heard above all the others. When he was younger, would put his mouth on the pew handrail and taste the salt from previous parishioners until his mother told him it was a disgusting habit and he should stop immediately. He did as he was told, but was always tempted to taste the salt again.

At Benediction, shortly after his father turned down his request for a squirt gun, Daniel sees something in church he has never noticed before. For some reason, he and his mother would inevitably end up on the right side of the church. This time they are on the left side of the church beside a small side altar with a place to kneel in front of a plaster angel. He watches as a man enters the side altar, says a quick prayer, and then takes a coin and appears to feed it to the angel. The angel nods its head when the coin goes in. Daniel knows that whatever coins are inserted, they aren’t going directly to God. If money goes in, somehow the money has to come out. He decides Saint Theresa is sending him a message that she knows he is poor and wants him to have the squirt gun. She is showing him how to go about getting it. Daniel decides that he needs a plan. He knows getting money from the angel will have to be achieved when nobody else is in the church. Luckily for him, the church’s doors are never locked.

The church sits at the corner of Kingston Road and Midland Avenue and he has to pass by it every day on his way home. Usually, he will walk home with his older brother Micky. He has to wait until he finds himself walking home alone. When the day comes, he is ready for action.

Daniel steps into the church foyer, scans the interior of the church, and finds it empty. He moves inside and stands by the holy water font inhaling the familiar scent of the incense used in high masses and at Benediction. He stands there questioning whether or not he should actually do what he has planned on doing. The plan wins, and he moves toward the side altar. He stands in front of the angel that holds a bag with a slot in it for coins. The angel seems to be looking at him and questioning what he is doing. Daniel stops looking at the angel and checks the back of the statue. He sees there is a small drawer. When he opens it, he finds it chock-a-block with coins.

As tempted as he is to take all the coins, Daniel only takes the dime Saint Theresa wants him to have. The deed is quickly done and soon Daniel is outside the church. There is no question as to what to do next. He heads across the street to a small store in a grey, dilapidated building on Kingston Road that was once a stagecoach shop on the route from Toronto to Montreal. The history of the building doesn’t interest Daniel. It is what’s inside that draws him. He knows that in an ancient, wood and glass display case is the object of his desire. Once inside, he stands in front of the case looking at the miniature, shiny, black luger with the orange filler cap just above the grip handle.

“Can I help you” asks the store owner who closely watches each kid who comes into his shop.

“I want that squirt gun,” says Daniel pointing to the one in the case.

“A lot of kids want that one,” responds the store owner who is sure this exchange will come to nothing. “Have you got the money?”

“Yes,” says Daniel holding up his shiny dime from Saint Theresa.

The store owner sighs as he reaches into the case for the squirt gun and wonders where the you’ll-grow-into-them kid in front of him has ten cents to spend. Most of the similarly-dressed kids who come into his store are there to steal not to buy. He hands the squirt gun to Daniel who lovingly cradles it in both hands. It is even more beautiful than it has looked in the case every time he came to look at it. Daniel is ecstatic as he leaves the store.

Once outside, he looks across the street at The Shrine of Saint Theresa of the Little Flower, and ecstasy immediately turns to guilt. It is not the little kind of guilt Daniel normally admits to in confession. This is way big guilt. He has stolen from God! But he has learned in school that he can get rid of the guilt. What does he know about God and sin? A lot he realizes, he hears about it every day. It’s only the sixth commandment. It’s not like he murdered someone. Though, he did recently have to confess to threatening to kill his brother when they were fighting. Penance was five Hail Marys.

God will forgive him for stealing a dime. He knows that. What does he know about how to get forgiveness for stealing? He will have to do some sort of penance. It’s only a dime. So, two Our Fathers and five Hail Marys? There is another step. What is that complicated word they use for it? Means something like having to give back the thing you stole.

Daniel wonders just how he can give back the dime he doesn’t have. Leaving the squirt gun with the angel won’t do it. Maybe the store owner will take it back and give him his dime. He is not sure that can be done, but another glance at the scene of the crime convinces him he has to try. He re-enters the store and stands in front of the cash register.

“You back again kid?” asks the owner. “Did you forget something?”

 “No,” responds Daniel. “I want to give you back this squirt gun,” he says while holding out the gun for the store owner to see.

The store owner is perplexed. No kid has ever come in and asked for a refund. “Why should I do that?”

“Because I really need my dime back. It’s really important that I have it,” Daniel says in his best please-help-me voice.

“So let me see if I understand,” says the store owner. “Five minutes ago, you didn’t need the dime for anything more important than a squirt gun. And now there is something more important that you need the dime for.”

“Yes,” Daniel says.

“Tough luck,” the store keeper says.

“That’s not fair,” Daniel says.

“Welcome to the world,” says the store owner.

Daniel is left with the challenge of figuring out what he should do next. He has stolen from God and that is probably a mortal sin. If he dies, he will go to hell. Even if he goes to confession, he won’t be given absolution until he gives the dime back. Suddenly, he has an idea and he heads back across the road to the little church.

The Church is still empty. He slithers over to the holy water font, pulls the squirt gun’s red plug, and quickly fills the gun with holy water. In a few minutes he is back out on the street. He is feeling good. He has turned a bad situation into a good one. The squirt gun will enable him to do God’s work. If the comes across a pagan in danger of death, he can produce the four squirts necessary for salvation.

Squirt one: “I baptize thee.”

Squirt two: “In the name of the Father.”

Squirt three. “The son.”

Squirt four: “And the Holy Ghost.”

Sometime later, Daniel trades his squirt gun for a big bag of marbles. Daniel wants to tell the gun’s new owner what he is required to do with it. In the end, he decides God will let him know, and he never thinks about the squirt gun again.